Tuesday, April 7, 2009

so its funny that i just wrote a little rant/rave about the past and time in general. when now my rant/rave is solely on the past.

i understand what has happened helped me to learn in any account but it isnt easy to get over. there are so many parts of my past that are still in the back of my mind and reoccur in dreams and come up when a similar event presents itself. im not sure if im a bad person for not letting go or if im a weak person for letting them get to me and stick with me or if im stupid and am holding onto things for no reason. it isnt so much that i care a lot now but the thoughts make me to cringe and thinking about any bad memory gets me feeling sick.

maybe part of me thinks if i let it go it makes it ok or makes it not matter. that i dont care because things are better now but really im fairly certain ive always been a good person and not really deserving bad things. and it hurts.

ive almost gotten to the point where i hate memories. i dont want to hold onto momentos from the good times because they remind me of the bad. im so ridiculous. . .

what the fuck though. and ive never known why